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 [M] COME ON BABY, LIGHT MY PYRE, OPEN
The world would be so boring without idiots like you to amuse me.
25
POSTS
FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT
HELLSING
VAMPIRE
CARTOGRAPHER
TIGER (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
An AU Tinder-based thread where you've swiped right on Hellsing Ultimate Abridged Alucard.

Whether that's because you think his profile is an absolute joke and are looking for a laugh, or because you are genuinely interested in undead asshats with a horrific personality. Needless to say now you've got your first message from him this is going to go really well, or really badly.

Open to anyone and just a bit of fun really.

The M tag is here to warn about language along with potential graphic depictions of gore or sexual acts. If you've seen the above abridged series, you'll know why they're here.



ALUCARD, 568
UNDEAD KILLING MOTHERFUCKER
3 miles away


Very experienced. Can be male or female. Really into anything, what could you possibly lose?



My Anthem




Instagram Photos




recommend alucard
to a friend


XOXO


suuup
ALUCARD is typing ...
define your meaning of war, to me it's what we do when we're bored.
12
POSTS
IMMORTAL / FIVE HUNDRED
BLEACH
HOLLOW (ARRANCAR)
GANG LEADER, MERCENARY
REMY (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
I hope you don't mind me using the same layout; I couldn't respond and not make a fun tinder profile for Grimmjow. Especially if he's swiping right on Alucard. x'D




GRIMMJOW, 500
THE KING
3 miles away


Men or women, just don't be weak.



My Anthem

Violence Fetish
Disturbed







recommend grimmjow
to a friend


XOXO


To: ALUCARD
heh, what the fuck.
i thought that was a joke
you're some kinda halloween fetishist
Send Message...Send
Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez
The world would be so boring without idiots like you to amuse me.
25
POSTS
FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT
HELLSING
VAMPIRE
CARTOGRAPHER
TIGER (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
and you're a whiny bitch of a neo-punk-goth-whatever-the-kids are calling them these days.

is that piece of as- i mean, super cool jaw bone superglued on or...?

see. words hurt.

be polite kiddo.

ALUCARD is typing ...


@GRIMMJOW JAEGERJAQUEZ

I don't mind at all, and, I really feel this was the best possible outcome for this open thread. This is going to be great - thank you for taking it! XDD
define your meaning of war, to me it's what we do when we're bored.
12
POSTS
IMMORTAL / FIVE HUNDRED
BLEACH
HOLLOW (ARRANCAR)
GANG LEADER, MERCENARY
REMY (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
To: ALUCARD
i'm not into that shit. this is all natural, humans imitate me. not the other way around..
it's more real than your fake ass teeth, that's for sure.
heh. you gonna teach me a lesson about being polite, old man?
Send Message...Send
Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez



I'm so glad you think so! xD @ALUCARD
The world would be so boring without idiots like you to amuse me.
25
POSTS
FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT
HELLSING
VAMPIRE
CARTOGRAPHER
TIGER (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
whatever you say mr.edgymcmychemicalromance. whatever you say.

my teeth can bite through steel kiddo, they're as real as bad ass dental work gets.

why you kinky thing you.

gotta buy me dinner first. didn't your mother ever tell you the art of romance?

ALUCARD is typing ...


What have I done? X3

@GRIMMJOW JAEGERJAQUEZ
define your meaning of war, to me it's what we do when we're bored.
12
POSTS
IMMORTAL / FIVE HUNDRED
BLEACH
HOLLOW (ARRANCAR)
GANG LEADER, MERCENARY
REMY (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
To: ALUCARD
??? i don't know what the hell that is. so does this mean you're great at sucking?
steel, huh. i bet you'd still break your teeth on my neck.
too bad i ain't the romantic type. besides, if you're an undead vampire motherfucker, won't it suffice just to eat some human bastard? got plenty of those around here.
Send Message...Send
Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez



I love this already. @ALUCARD

The world would be so boring without idiots like you to amuse me.
25
POSTS
FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT
HELLSING
VAMPIRE
CARTOGRAPHER
TIGER (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
haha. wit so sharp it...doesn't do anything because that was a fucking stupid comment.

you're not gonna get me to suck anything at this rate, not even the crazy straw i'd stick in your neck to drink your blood.

wow. you just, fondle your own balls don't you? you need some help fitting your ego in this chat? bet you're compensating for something with all this 'swagger'.

you should pick one out. all nice like; 'hey, honey, darling, light of my life, i picked this human special just for you, he's ab+'.

ALUCARD is typing ...


This is beautiful.

@GRIMMJOW JAEGERJAQUEZ
define your meaning of war, to me it's what we do when we're bored.
12
POSTS
IMMORTAL / FIVE HUNDRED
BLEACH
HOLLOW (ARRANCAR)
GANG LEADER, MERCENARY
REMY (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
To: ALUCARD
you won't even show me how good you can suck? that's a damn shame.
fuck you. i wanna see what you can do, if you really are some kind of superhuman bastard. i hope it's not as disappointing as a costume and fake teeth
haha, now who's the kinky bastard? talking about picking out some poor fuck for you to eat. you're getting me all excited.
Send Message...Send
Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez




The world would be so boring without idiots like you to amuse me.
25
POSTS
FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT
HELLSING
VAMPIRE
CARTOGRAPHER
TIGER (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
kiddo. kiddo. kiddo. i see what you're doing. you're trying to reverse psychology bullshit me into wanting to show you my skillz.

well you really won't be fucking me at this rate. this is abysmal, you really can't pick up for shit. you treat everyone like this or am i just super special?

if you're asking for a meet up, do so nicely, and say please, then i'll consider it sweetie.

...what really? well if it does it for you i'm not about to 'kinkshame'.

get excited all you like bucko, there's still no dinner on my table and i'm not wined and dined.

ALUCARD is typing ...


define your meaning of war, to me it's what we do when we're bored.
12
POSTS
IMMORTAL / FIVE HUNDRED
BLEACH
HOLLOW (ARRANCAR)
GANG LEADER, MERCENARY
REMY (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
To: ALUCARD
somehow, i don't think you'd stop playing hard to get even if someone was sucking your dick with compliments. i'll pass.
i think you're special enough to see in action, bloodsucking bastard. 3 miles away. you gonna hide, do i have to come find you myself?
how about i surprise you instead.
Send Message...Send
Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez



The world would be so boring without idiots like you to amuse me.
25
POSTS
FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT
HELLSING
VAMPIRE
CARTOGRAPHER
TIGER (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
look at this, a couple of messages and you already know me so well. it's destiny my little gumdrop button, destiny.

rawr you really do know how to butter a guy up, 'blood sucking bastard' now, that's one i've never heard before.

i'm not hiding anywhere, i'm leaning out my balcony right now waiting for my knight in a crappy skull face piece to find me and aggressively attempt to fuck me.

and i do so love surprises...

ALUCARD is typing ...


define your meaning of war, to me it's what we do when we're bored.
12
POSTS
IMMORTAL / FIVE HUNDRED
BLEACH
HOLLOW (ARRANCAR)
GANG LEADER, MERCENARY
REMY (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
To: ALUCARD
if it's fuckin destiny to put my fist through your chest.
yeah? you like me talking dirty to you, undead motherfucker?
don't fuckin flatter yourself so much, foreplay is half the fun.
Send Message...Send
Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez



@ALUCARD lmao since this is au, i'm not sure if you wanted to keep everything else canon. i'm fine with alucard being at hellsing manor, it's pretty easy for grimmjow to drop into any part of the world with his dimension-hopping powers.
The world would be so boring without idiots like you to amuse me.
25
POSTS
FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT
HELLSING
VAMPIRE
CARTOGRAPHER
TIGER (SHE/HER)
HE/HIM
oooo you're gonna fist me huh? daring. i don't mind as long as i can return the favour, assuming you'll live through it.

it shows gumption. that i'll fucking rip out of you by the time i'm done but, for now i'll just admire it. kind of. cause you're being a bit of a dick.

oh i know it is, you're just not really ticking my boxes kiddo, guess i'll have to see if you're any better in person if you're not just running that mouth of yours about coming over.

you can find me in hellsing manor, outskirts of london. just mind my boss. she's a raging bitch and i'd prefer she didn't interrupt the 'fun'

ALUCARD is typing ...


Yeah I was envisioning Alucard still being in Hellsing Manor if he really wants to drop on by, this thread be getting crazy X3 also sorry for the super fast posts, can you tell i have zero amount of a life yet?

@GRIMMJOW JAEGERJAQUEZ
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